My Missed Opportunity
by Dead Passive
Summary: DISCLAIMER; I don't own Scrubs, nor do I own the characters. I merely use them as play things in my creative web. Nor do I own the lyrics used. Implied JD/Janitor & Janitor/Cox. Mild language, rated M for M/M slash. Mild suicide reference. R&R please. DP.
1. It's All A Blur

**JD's POV**

As Doctor Cox walked towards me, I knew I wasn't going to like the news. His face was sullen, there was no humour and everyone else I passed held the same expression. "Doctor Dorian, there's an urgent case just come in on ICU." He paused, sighing heavily; he showed no signs of a wind up. "It's the Janitor." Dr Cox calling me by my proper name had to mean it was serious, not just the result of the Janitor slipping because of his own sloppy work. When I arrived at the swing doors, everyone else was there, I was the last one to know; Turk stood with his arms around Carla, Elliot stood by Ted and Todd, Todd's gaze fixed firmly on the floor, Doug lingered in the background, Jordan moved towards Dr Cox and Kelso leant against the wall, sighing repeatedly. No one said anything; they all just looked up, silently acknowledging my arrival and then returning to watching, waiting for him to show any signs of life.

After a short while, it was just me and Dr Cox left standing at the door. Inside, he looked so sweet, innocent and peaceful with only his head peeking over the covers. "What happened to him?" My voice was strangely hoarse, my throat felt like sandpaper.

"He was mugged on the way home, bastards knifed him. They caught his liver and snagged a kidney." Cox's voice was barely louder than a whisper.

"Who'd mug Lurch?" Cox stifled a coy laugh.

"You know, I was thinking the same thing."

"I want to sit with him. Cover my patient for me." Mr Elwood was only in the next bed, if worst came to worst, but I hoped for once Cox would listen to me.

"Why, why do you want to sit with Lurch? He's in a coma, Newbie. You know what that means…" Yes I knew it meant one of two things, but I couldn't leave him there all alone and vulnerable.

"It's just something I have to do, Perry." Once inside the tiny room, it just hit me. It overwhelmed me, the very real chance of him dying lingered in the back of my mind and my heart. "Hey kid, you know if he has any family we can contact?" He'd told a variety of different tales over the years about his family, only he would know fact from fiction. "I really don't know, Per. He's such an enigma…" As the words hung in the air, Cox left me to it.

"Hey man, this is…This is really weird. I mean, I never thought I'd be here at your bedside, and if I was, I thought we'd both be awake, if you catch my drift… Yeah, sick I know but I can't help it. I remember my first day in this hospital, you were the first person I met and you put the fear of God into me. I don't know if it was your height or just your personality…Or the threats that haven't really stopped to this day. There were moments though, fleeting ones, but moments no less where I thought we were gonna be ok, that we could have a normal relationship, friendship. But as we're sat here, I realise it now. It's not what I want. I don't want to have a friendship with you like I have with the others, I like the fact it's different. Just part of me wants more… But hey man, forgetting the others for a moment, I really need you, you know? I need you here with me and though it scares the hell outta me, I think I like you, too much."

He didn't know that the Janitor heard every word he'd said…

*******

**Dr Cox's POV**

Days passed, yet Bambi sat in that damn room. Everyone ended up fussing around him instead of the real patient. He quit eating and sleeping, just in case by some small miracle his vacating of the room would force Lurch to wake up. On the 5th day of being completely out of it, Bambi was a wreck. He hadn't been home or slept more than 20 minutes at a time. "Newbie, take a break."

"No, I can't leave him." He slurred, rubbing his eyes.

"It wasn't a request. You've been sat in here for damn near 120 hours straight. You'd be more use to him getting some shut eye."

"Perry, you're not listening to me. I can't and I won't leave his side until he's awake. Sure, he won't thank me when he finds out it's me that's been sat at his bedside and not Elliot but I don't care. I just can't… Oh and Jordan was looking for you…"

"Oh hell, she'll only want to inflict more pain and misery… Fine, suit yourself Newbie." There was only one person would could talk any sense into him, well maybe two; one was enjoying a long weekend away with the misses and the other was in a coma.

October 12th, 10:36pm, it's a time I'll never forget. I'd managed to avoid my ex wife for the best part of 5 hours, which was a record in itself. At that precise moment, she'd cornered me, so the distraction was more than welcome. Bambi shot out of his room, the swing doors barely held on their hinges. He skidded towards us, stumbling over his own feet he was in such a hurry. "Dr Cox, come quickly, movement…" He told me between huge intakes of air. I followed him to his room and sure enough, there had been a ripple on the machines. "It could be anything that's caused that, Newbie."

"Oh yeah, and anything could have made his fingers twitch, I guess?"

"Well you hadn't told me that part…" I checked all the equipment, it was all in order. "It could be involuntary muscle spasms…"

"It could be, but look, his eyelids are twitching and his fingers!" He was a doctor; he should have known it could be something as trivial as his muscles relaxing as the coma set deeper in. But then, with my own eyes, I saw his hand curl into a ball and relax again, all the while his eyelids fluttered erratically. There was a chance that he was going to live after all…

*******

**JD's POV**

It's always a tense moment when a coma patient opens their eyes for the first time and takes that all important first breath without the tubes and wires. As the Janitor's stunning blue eyes jolted open, his initial instinct was to fill his lungs with as much air as they could manage. Due to the tubes that had been placed in his mouth and oesophagus, he didn't manage to inhale any air, he simply choked. As he did, his hands flailed around wildly, grabbing the tubes and yanking them free. "Hey, hey, hey, calm down now yeah? It's me, JD. I need you to calm down though; you're only getting yourself all worked up." As his eyes focused on mine, they seemed to hold the truth; passion and love lingered, just waiting to be allocated to that special someone.

"You're in hospital, Lurch. You were attacked…" On hearing Cox's words, he flailed more violently. "Cox, you're not helping. Look, Janitor. I'll take the tube out of your throat if you promise to calm down for me. I need to know you're not going to try anything…" With one hand resting on top of his, I removed him from the ventilator. His bright blue orbs shone as he retched, trying to adjust to breathing. "Don't try and talk, your throat will be red raw. Just listen to me, nod if you agree, yeah?" Slowly, he nodded and looked from Cox to me and back again. "Ok, are you in any pain?" He pointed to his side, presumably the incisions made by the surgeons. "Ok, we'll give you some morphine for the pain in a minute. Does anywhere else hurt?" He shook his head from side to side before he noticed the hand on top of his.

His eyes suddenly told a different story. He looked like he wanted to vomit, screwing his eyes shut, he clawed at my hand. "Perry, get the man his morphine…" Silently, Cox left the room and once more, his expression changed. His eyes no longer held resent for my fingers gently brushing his, they no longer held the flare that had been there only moments before; they just screamed pain and anguish. His gaze flickered around the room, before settling on the drip that stood in the corner of the room. "Oh that's just to be on the safe side. Just to make sure your kidneys are still functioning correctly. Same with the heart monitor. We should be able to unhook them after we've ran a couple of tests." Cox walked back in, administered the morphine and beckoned me outside. "Newbie, he's one lucky guy. I've had knife victims in comas for weeks and they've had to have the plug pulled on them…"

"I wouldn't have let you." With that, I returned to his bedside.

*******


	2. Too Much, Too Soon

**Dr Cox's POV**

"Outside, now Newbie. He's awake and off death's door, I want you back on your rounds. Mr Elwood is feeling rather unloved and in need of his hourly vitals check. Off you pop now, Gloria…"

"Have you not been looking after him? You knew I was busy."

"Oh no, I have been keeping an eye on him as well as my own patients. But now he's your responsibility. If I catch you in his room once more Newbie, I swear…" It was an empty threat, I knew as soon as I turned my back he'd scoot back in to check on him or he'd be at the window. It had to be noted though, as he lay in the pitifully small hospital bed, he looked almost normal. You couldn't tell it was him who had needed tetanus shot only a month earlier after the creation of 'Knife Wrench', which he had then put in his pocket, knife side down. I kept my eye on Bambi that night, he only crept into his room once or twice, and both times he'd been asleep.

On the third visit, I caught him sat there, just watching him sleep. "Newbie, what the hell are you doing?"

"Nothing, I'm just taking my break."

"In the ICU?"

"Why not, it's as good a place as any." He'd lied unconvincingly.

"Newbie, walk with me. Is there something going on between you two or something? You've been glued to him since he was brought in and now he's awake your just as bad."

"Can I not be friendly? Does it have to mean I care for him in a sexual manner if I sit in with a friend after they've come out of coma? Noted, Perry, if you lapse into a coma, I won't be sat at your side."

"Newbie, I wasn't insinuating… I just… Does he know you've been at his bedside all that time?"

"I don't know. He hasn't spoken yet."

"Get back to Mr Elwood, his son has just arrived and wants to know how he's doing." I hated to think I'd just hit the nail on the head; I wanted to believe I hadn't seen what I had… After all, only the week before down in the bar, the Janitor had told me he wanted Elliot. "What? You can't imply things like that then send me away."

"You seem to forget who I am. I'll let you know when he's up to talking. Elwood, now Newbie."

*******

**JD's POV**

For a guy who'd just come out of a coma, he was doing an awful lot of sleeping. He could barely keep his eyes open for more than 10 minutes at a time before needing a rest. He'd come off the dialysis a day or two before he regained the power of speech. There'd been no problems so far; everything seemed to be in order. That was until Cox called me into the rest room. "What have I done now? Or have you got some other wild accusation to throw around?"

"No Newbie and… I'm sorry, I was out of line. I just wanted you to know he's talking a little now and he's asking for you."

Trepidation caught up with me as I opened the door. His stunning blue eyes shimmered as he blinked, a small lopsided smile appeared. "Hey, sit down. I hear it was you that sat by me all the while I was dead to the world. I'm not gonna lie and say I didn't wish it was Blonde Doctor." I laughed coyly, not sure how to respond to that.

"Do you remember much about the attack?" He shook his head slowly, staring down at the covers.

"No and I like it that way. I don't want to know the details. I'm here, that's all that matters to me. And stop changing the subject." His smile slid effortlessly onto the corners of his mouth. "I know Cox was in and around here on a daily basis, but that's only because he told me before. He says you hardly moved?"

"I didn't want you to be on your own… That's all. I didn't want you to wake up alone."

"You don't have to make excuses. I'm sure you had better things to do with your time than spend it in this pokey little room."

"Not really. Think back to when you woke up, would you have wanted to go through that alone?"

"Someone would have heard me choking." His grin widened slightly.

"What makes you so sure?"

"Something in my heart tells me someone would have found me before it was too late. JD, I want to thank you. I was mildly aware of a constant presence but you lose all sense of perspective, it's all just a mass of words with no real meaning or speaker." As soon as he finished the final sentence, a cold chill crept through my bones. I think he picked up on my apprehension. "It's weird, I can make out certain parts but others are a complete blur. It's as if they never happened." Panic began to set in.

"I have to go, check on Mr Elwood. He had a huge heart attack this morning…" I tried to shuffle away before he could say anything else.

"For the record, JD, you can never like someone too much…"

*******

**Dr Cox's POV**

Once he was awake and lucid, Bambi seemed to spend an awful more time doing his rounds and attending to everyone else's patients. "Newbie, you fallen out with sleeping beauty in there or something?" He shook his head and walked off in the other direction. "Newbie, look you can talk to me. There's no guarantee I will be able to help or that I won't laugh but…"

"No, it's fine. He just needs his rest, that's all." What he didn't know is that he was the worst liar in the hospital. "Well, he's awake now and you won't mind dropping this off then, will you?" The envelope was stuffed with cash after a quick whip around and a muffin basket that he probably wouldn't be up to eating seemed lame in retrospect but it was the best we could come up with. "Well, why can't you? I'm busy."

"So am I Newbie, so am I. Either you take them voluntarily or I will use his mop to force you…"

"Fine, I'll take them to him."

"Have you two had a lovers spat or something? Cuz recently there's been more chance of me meeting Hugh Jackman and befriending him than you and him talking…"

"Just stay out of it, yeah?" They had definitely had a fight; it was the only explanation for Bambi's weird behaviour.


	3. Confrontations

**JD's POV**

After Cox forced me to take our collective gifts in to him, it had taken a lot of steeling myself as I knew a confrontation would occur and I wasn't in the mood for a shouting match with him. "Hey, we had a little collection for you, do you like muffins?"

"You've been avoiding me."

"That's a bit direct."

"It's a bit true. You can't deny it. I've had Cox in here checking my pulse and chatting aimlessly about his ex wife. I don't care for that really. So go on, why?"

The power of speech left my body at this point; I just stared at the floor, hoping he'd change the subject. Needless to say, he didn't.

"I'll tell you for why. As soon as I confirmed your worst fear, you had to get out. Its fine when it's one sided, but as soon as I showed signs, it was too much. Yes, JD, I heard every word you said whilst I was in a coma. I heard you say how much you needed me and how you thought you cared too much. I felt the hand on top of mine, every night, well what I assume to be night. The breath on my neck as you mumbled in my ear, whilst taking my pulse. My coma wasn't as deep as everyone seems to think." He paused for a moment and all the anger left his face. "It wasn't involuntary muscles spasms when my fingers moved. It drained the life out of me, doing that but it was worth it. I was dreaming, it was a nice dream actually."

"Oh, want to share?"

"I was with my perfect partner; we were lay in bed late on a Sunday morning. The sun was peeking through the curtains, warming the entire room. We were both awake; we'd just been kissing and holding each other. Then we'd made love in the sun light; our sweat stained bodies writhed and ground against each other…" Just listening to him relaying the details was enough to arouse some feeling. "The sun glistened off our skin; we were so aroused by each other when the phone rung… Which was Cox walking in here and I hated it. I hated him. He broke my perfect fantasy. He shattered it into a million pieces and… And I don't know if it can ever be real now…"

*******

**Dr Cox's POV**

Of course I found that slacker lingering around the nurse's station, casually eyeing the Janitor's room. "For the love of God, Newbie, go and talk to him. Apologise for whatever has been said that's pushed you so far out of the picture and then you can take him home, wrap him in blankets and make sweet love to him all night long."

"You know what, Cox? I'm not in the mood for your jokes today. It's not like that between me and him, and for the record? He isn't in there, he's gone walkabouts."

I knew the one place he was mostly likely to be hiding, the one place he wouldn't be disturbed; the roof. "Hey, Soft-Scrub, what you doing up here? You should be resting…" He was sat on the ledge, looking down at the ambulances below. "I wanted some peace and quiet. You ever thought about jumping?" He motioned to join him on the ledge.

"Good Lord yes, being married to Jordan, there's only so much you can take. You married?"

"No, who would want to marry me? I'm a lowly janitor who has no friends in this place and no social life. I go home every night and I wish it could be different. I wish but it never comes true." His words trailed off, he no longer seemed so threatening, just depressed. "It's ok for you, you've got an ex wife you're close to, who you trust and presumably love seeing as she's the mother of your child and your popular here. Sure you're not everyone's favourite doctor, but they are your friends. I know if I had that special someone to go home to every night, I wouldn't seriously be considering jumping…"

"Hey Soft-Scrub, that's not happening on my watch. I mean for starters, who would we get to clean up the mess?" He mustered a slight smile and then sighed.

"It's not that I can find worth in anything, it's just that I can't find worth in enough. I don't know how much more I can take of this."

"How about we go in and get a coffee, just you and me, we'll have a chat?" He shook his head slowly, his gaze lingered on the small park the other side of the car park. "Ok, how about a walk in the park?" Again he shook his head. "We'll play it your way then, Lurch." He smiled gently, revealing the hurt that he'd been carrying around with him for god knows how long. "Do you remember that patient you brought to me, you found her in a stairwell? She collapsed and it turned out she'd had a mild heart attack induced by stress?"

"Mrs Baker?"

"No."

"Rosie Ashcroft, Debbie Palmer, Charlotte Moore?"

"No and how many women have you come across in stairwells?!"

"Many, but it would be ungentle-manly of me to tell what became of them." The wink that followed would have charmed the birds from the trees. "I think I know who you mean, Rhiannon Logan?"

"Yeah, that's the one. What ever happened to her?"

"You're the Doc…"

"You were the one in charge of seeing her off the premises, seeing as she took a liking to you."

"Oh she took more than that…" Once more with the wink and I could see why she'd swooned after him. "We hit it off, what more can I say?"

"And?"

"And we screwed in my cleaning closet, your office, the toilets, the rest room and up here…" His flawless grin appeared.

"Firstly, why did you do the nasty in my office and secondly, I didn't think you were a kiss and tell kinda guy?!"

"When you have a mad sex marathon like that? You change your mind, quickly."

*******

**JD's POV**

Cox and the Janitor had been gone an awfully long time when they wandered around the corner. "Where've you two been? Everyone was wondering…"

"What Caroline here meant to say was that he'd missed us, which is flattery at its greatest, agree?" Cox looked at him and they both grinned. "Now, if you don't mind, I wanna finish talking to my patient and above all, my friend." They spoke at length, without allowing anyone else in the room. When I popped my head around the door Cox finished "Well, you're certainly making a quick recovery, I would like to keep you in a little longer though, just to keep an eye on your wounds. Can we help you, Sophia?"

"No, it doesn't matter anymore." They carried on talking and laughing as I left.

After he'd got a bit of rest, Elliot ok-ed it with his new best friend Cox to go in and see him. "Hey, you gave us a bit of a scare when you were admitted…"

"Yeah, sorry about that, I always was one for grand arrivals." They smiled gently at each other. "How are you feeling now?"

"Better thanks, not 100% just yet but you can't keep a good guy down, or something." His smile widened slightly. "These are from Turk and Carla." She told him softly, handing over a bunch of flowers. The card read _hey Soft Scrub, hope you get well soon, Turk misses watching you tease JD, boys eh? Take care and we'll see you soon, Turk and Carla. _"And these are from me." She laid a box of chocolates down in front of him and handed him another bunch of flowers. "I'm glad you're ok though, I'd hate to think what it would be like without you around here." He smiled as she leant forward, wrapping her arms around him. He instinctively copied her, silently inhaling her familiar scent as he did so. They both planted a kiss on the others cheek, his hand ran along her back and pulled her momentarily closer. "JD is giving me the evil eye…"

"Sod him." She murmured effortlessly, kissing him on the lips. I felt the burning anger rising from my stomach, lodging itself in my throat.

I hated the fact that all of a sudden they were so close, everyone knew about his overwhelming crush on her, apart from Elliot herself it seemed. He told her he was tired and wanted to rest, so she left him to his slumbers. I still felt the grip of insane jealousy.

*******


	4. My Missed Opportunity

A week later, they discharged him. Supposedly bed ridden, Troy had been temporarily upgraded to janitor. He'd had his fair share of regular patients asking where the lanky one with a smile glued to his face was. Meanwhile, at home, he'd had a fleeting visit from Ted, on Kelso's behalf. Jordan had brought him a cake she and Jack had made specially and Elliot had sent him flowers and chocolates every day. He'd been told not to over exert himself, so he'd replied with a grin, drinking beer and staying in bed all day long hardly classed as that. Sunday morning, there'd been a knock at the door. He'd lumbered towards the door, an excruciating pain radiating from his injured side. He put it down to him not getting out of bed at all the day before, save for toilet trips. He'd been surprised by the visitor, but welcomed them as they had a 12 pack of beer to share. They did however; insist on making him something to eat as he hadn't had a proper meal since leaving the hospital. They sat on the sofa, eating pasta with relaxing music on in the background. They'd spoke about work, personal lives and his well being before finishing their meal. The sideways glances, accidental touches and the sheer need for something to come of it culminated early that afternoon.

They both tired of the shifty looks, subconsciously moved closer to each other on the sofa and knowing it would evoke a response, he told of the pain he was in. He received a copious amount of kisses to the bandaged up wounds, which had brought a smile to his face. There was a great deal of difference though between kissing his side and kissing his lips, he thought miserably. They paused for a moment, listening to the music, which seemed to prompt them to carry on. _If you're ever gonna kiss me, it had better be tonight… _With a shaking hand, they'd reached out to him, taking his hand in theirs and pulled him towards them. The kiss was long overdue yet sensual. They went back for more. Each time they kissed, they stayed together longer, tongues finally peeking out and worming their way into the others mouths. The passion grew and grew, until he was on his back with his guest on top of him, their lips still locked together. _If you're ever gonna hold me, it had better be tonight, or somebody else may hold me and they might make me feel just right… _

When kissing was simply just not enough for them, they pawed at each others clothes. His white tee ripped off easily, revealing a surprisingly well toned stomach. He responded by pulling their shirt off too, but then his fingers made a play for the jeans button.

They simply nodded, but before he could get his fingers around them, they moved towards his room. Bouncing off the walls and the sofa, their lips remained together all the while. Once in his room, they fell onto the bed and he removed both their pants and his in a matter of seconds. Their hands began to wander; smoothing, stroking and caressing every part of his anatomy. He returned the favour in a way only he knew. As their hips ground against each other, the flame ignited that little bit brighter and it sent him to a whole new realm of pleasure. Their carefully placed hands and his carefully placed tongue catapulted them into the stratosphere of bliss. As they made love in the middle of his bed, the sun light shone through the curtains and the sweat on their bodies glistened. Afterwards, they gently held each other and neither one felt guilt nor resent for what had just happened. For them, it had been the best day of their lives, the start of a new life together, signifying the end of a relationship for the good doctor at the very least. For me, it was the worst day of my life, because as I stood at his window, I saw them rolling around under the sheets, his strong muscular arms locked around Cox's waist. It was then I realised, I was too late…


End file.
